1:29pm Texas, 1:29am Chicago

Hey Globe-trotters,

Things have been going alarmingly and ruinatiously for markre the first. I'd elaborate, but I am disinclined at the present to reveal specifics. They may prevent me from being a leader of the free world in 2030. Nevertheless, I will unecessarily elaborate that I am not destroyed because of drugs, violence, perversions, or natural disasters. I am destroyed by the perils of being in the entertainment business. One could speculate that I am currently undergoing my "quarter life crisis". And I would agree with them.

I have just returned from an anti-christmas in Houston, Texas. My eldest brother invited the whole brood to his new and impressive house in his new and impressive state. Well I must say that palm trees and 50 degree weather do not help to create the christmas mood. Neither does a state of constant anxiety and loathing (which, if you haven't inferred such as of yet, is my present condition). My brother was a fine host, and the holiday went off without too much friction, but my mental unrest made it merely the final mogul down the ski slope of December. The Counting Crows have a song where they say, "It's been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year [January] will be better than the last." I have never understood/related to such lyrics as I do now. I also find that my friend Trent Reznor was a warrior-prophet when he wrote:
"I used to be so big and strong.
I used to know my right from wrong.
I used to never be afraid.
I used to be somebody."

My words are bleak and cryptic. They are so molded to ensure the mystery-secrets of my present disquiet. Nevertheless, please understand that I am (perhaps for the first time since my parents' divorce) undergoing a state of serious disruption that needs to be solved through concerted effort.

That being said, I find myself obligated to thank God in his new and impressive heaven for all the good things that I do have in life. e.g. Destructicon, education, and that I live in a first world nation. Nay, The first world nation. Now, please send me the magic spells to combat boggarts and dementors.

Sincerely,

Tooth